Remember my big words of how I will change my life and become a full-time traveler? I have to admit, since then, it sunk in just how scary it is to fully commit to this decision. Not that it’s stopping me.
A thousand thoughts and scenarios are constantly running through my head – plans are being formed, changed, dismissed, and reconsidered. I don’t have a clear vision yet of how I’ll get from where I am right now to being on the road in “only” twelve months. But until then, I’ll work on getting used to being on this journey.
Embarrassingly enough, I have already developed the urge to constantly tell people that “Six bucks for lunch!? That equals three meals in Asia!” or “I can’t buy this soap dispenser just because it’s pretty! I will have to sell it in a couple months and who would want to buy a used soap dispenser anyway?!”. But since I haven’t told anyone about my epiphany and life-changing resolution, I can’t really do that. So for now I have to live with the fact that my decisions and behavior must look odd to others. (But maybe it always has anyway.)
I am far from telling my family, friends, colleagues, etc. because I feel it would be premature (and might jinx things?). After all, I still have a year to figure this out and follow through.
As a substitute, I set up this blog. It will serve as a constant reminder to myself to not back down from the challenges ahead. I’m not so naïve to think that the next twelve months – or the time after! – will be easy. In fact, I expect a lot of frustration, disappointment, and grief. And I am sure I will be tempted to draw back into safety, call it quits, and pretend that I never really planned on doing this (while knowing full well that, actually, I did).
You will be my witnesses to me either stepping forward into a new life or stepping back and giving up. Let’s hope for the former, shall we?
And if I ever feel uncertain and like hiding in my apartment with all my silly possessions and yummy comfort food in the kitchen and my insistent alarm clock that’ll unrelentingly force me to get up the next morning – I will think of the disappointment in your
pretty eyes upon learning that I gave up.
PS: I feel we’re at a level of familiarity where I can talk about your eyes without causing awkward silences. I hope you agree?