When was the last time your daily life got in the way of the big, meaningful things? When you got so lost in unimportant, insignificant nonsense that the really important stuff got pushed so far to the back that you could barely see it anymore.

October has been a tough month.

I spent what feels like entire days at the office. I listened to other people’s problems trying to help when in reality I am probably one of the least qualified people to give life advice. I booked a trip to Morocco that will cost me a fortune when the one thing I do not have is money. I was sick for over a week practically dying while sitting in the office staring at my PC screen.

What I did not do, however, is write. Take pictures. Decide which backpack I want to take with me next year. Talk to the state tax office about what will happen legally come April. Sleep enough. Go grocery shopping without forgetting half of what I need because my mind is still stuck on other things.

And it annoys me to no end but at the same time I don’t know what to do about it. I won’t lower the quality of my work. I won’t stop trying to help others. I won’t stop trying to spend time with my friends.
But then what? How to find the balance between the big things and the daily ones? Between where you want to be and where you are right now? Between dream and reality?

A half a year ago, I broke down my big aspirations into somewhat smaller goals. However, now that I am so much closer to the finish line (or starting line, depending on how you look at it), what is left to do can no longer be summarized by something as vague as “cancel contracts”. Do you know how many contracts I have currently running? No? Me neither. It’s probably too many.
Sometimes I remember random things I have to take care of – just to forget them again a minute later. The result is a big and overwhelming mess.

But doing nothing and just letting time tick by is not an option. Therefore, next on my to-do list is sorting through this mess of to-dos and breaking it down into manageable steps.

And I will start doing that as soon as I had more than 4 hours of sleep.

PS: In other news, I have resigned! Dun-dun-duuuun. Cue the anxiety and fear of failure. Feel free to leave your congratulations (or comments about my naivity) below or in a message. (I’m joking, please be nice.)